EXISTENTIAL SCAR:
THE GIFT OF SHADOWS

A private audio series by Audrey Thorp. Free, just not easy to find, on purpose.

You already know your pattern...

Come sit down and get cozy. I mean that literally, if you can. Wherever you're reading this from, the car line, the kitchen, the bathroom floor because it's the only door in the house that locks, be here for a second.

You already know your pattern. You've named it in therapy, journaled it, explained it to your best friend with total clarity, and then you did it again the next Tuesday.

Same relationship with a different face. Same money fight. Same collapse in your body right when things finally get easy.

Here comes the part that's going to piss you off - You're getting something out of it.

Otherwise you would've stopped a long time ago.

We're not dumb, and we don't keep doing things that give us nothing.

This series is about finding out what that something is.

Private, intentionally

I had a public podcast for over two years and I loved it.

I realized that as I'm getting into deeper, and darker topics
(shadows, unconscious programming, maternal mental health, sex, homeopathy psychology, etc.)
I didn't want to have to wrap each episode up in a disclaimer because things may have gotten uncomfortable for you.

So this one is built to be inconvenient. It won't pop up in your feed because a new episode dropped, and I don't want you half-listening between eighteen other things. The second or third time, sure, throw it on while you cook. The first time, I want you with me.

There's no paywall, and it's also a taste of how I think and what it's actually like to work with me.

The only thing it costs you is your intention.

Nobody's algorithm is handing this to you, and I love that for us.

What we get into...

Every episode circles back to the same thing: the wound doesn't stay a wound.

It becomes a pattern, and that pattern becomes the architecture
of your whole life.

Your business. Your marriage. The way you mother. The body you live in.

Scar tissue is real tissue.

It's stronger than the skin around it,
and it doesn't move the way
the rest of you moves.

If you don't know it's there,
you'll keep tearing at the same spot
and calling it bad luck.

I look at that scar through four lenses, through my own unique methodology...

  • Female Physiology:

    Menarche through menopause. How your first period was handled has a lot to say about your postpartum, and your postpartum has a lot to say about your business.

  • Homeopathy Psychology:

    Far past the fifteen-minute version. Constitutions, suppressed anger, and why I spent years prescribing for the mother when she called about a remedy for her baby.

  • Psychosomatics:

    Your body has been telling your story out loud this whole time. I'll tell you about the client whose frozen shoulder showed up in the same breath as her sliding scale, and about the face reading that had me purging for three days straight.

  • Shadows & Kink:

    Finding the charge in the exact parts of yourself you've spent your whole life refusing to look at. Yes, it's erotic. No, I'm not going to pretend otherwise.

Who's on this side of the threshold...

  • You've already done some of the work. You know what a shadow is.

  • You aren't scandalized by the word kink sitting next to existential.

  • You've probably tried the affirmations and the vision boards and the manifesting, and found none of it held weight when your actual life got heavy.

  • Maybe you hold other people's hardest days for a living. Birthworker, healer, practitioner.

  • Maybe you're a mother who is done being told that self-care is a bubble bath.

  • Maybe you've just noticed you keep ending up in the same story with a different cast of characters, and you're finally ready to ask why.

  • You don't have to be a mother or a business owner to be a matriarch.
    You do have to be willing to embody the title.

Don't say I didn't warn you...

This is going to be messy. Some episodes end mid-thought, because that's where the thought was when I stopped recording. I'm done pretending change comes with three action steps packaged with a pretty bow.

I talk openly here about the death / suicide, my own disordered eating, my marriage, maternal mental health, and sex.

If you're in a tender season, you get to choose when you press play.

I also won't pretend to know everything.
Some of what I share, I know because I've lived it or watched it play out across a decade of sitting with women in their rawest moments. Some of it is what I recommend. Some of it is just what I believe.

I'll tell you which is which. If something lands wrong, sit with it before you decide I'm wrong.

"That made me uncomfortable" and "that's incorrect" are two very different sentences.

Who's talking

Audrey Thorp | Shadow Midwife

I'm Audrey.

Matriarch, Mother, Mirror.

For over a decade I sat with women at the thresholds this culture still doesn't know how to honor - birth and at death.

Autonomous traditional midwife offering womb to tomb care, homeopathic prescriber, psychosomatic practitioner, working with the unconscious and shadows under it all.

I've taught hundreds of practitioners.

I've built the fully booked practice, and I've been the woman bleeding out and depleted inside a body that kept begging me to slow down.

I'm not here to perform any of that for you.

I'm here to tell you what I see now.

Come sit by the fire...

Bring the parts of you that's tired of being suppressed, and let them come out and see what gifts they actually bring.

© 2026 Audrey Thorp, Shadow Midwifery for the death and rebirth
already moving through you.

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